This Christmas Day, together with some friends, I visited the Bishan Home for the Intellectually Disabled; a place that houses children & adults who are mentally underdeveloped.

Amidst distributing soft toys & candies to these people, we put together an impromptu performance with a guitar and live singing. While I sang and my friends strummed the guitar, many of the Home residents came up and danced along. Some even started to sing along, albeit to their own musical tones.

After teaching more than 10 workshops over 25 days, Christmas Day was a precious rest day, and I almost wanted to sleep in and back out of the visit. But was I glad to have gone for it; because the lessons I got were priceless.

1) These mentally undeveloped people have no Ego

They are not bothered by how people looked at them or think of them. They display their moods on their faces, and we know how they are feeling at first glance. They danced madly when we sang their favorite ballads. All they care about is having fun, connecting with their fellow resident friends and us.

2) They bear no grudges

One moment they are squabbling over a candy bar like little kids, the next moment they lock arms and dance wildly together like best friends. They are so much better than us on this because many a time we find it hard to forgive a loved one that had hurt us unintentionally with words.

I especially love the way they make up with each other after each disagreement. No punishing the other person, no bearing grudges, no ivory towers or ego, just plain forgiveness and once again being in the moment to enjoy each other’s company. If we all could be a little like them, how loving our lives can get!

2) They are always in the Present

There is no Past or Future for them. Whatever they are doing, they are extremely present. I was going to the restroom and passed by a middle aged resident, he stared at my water bottle with so much intensity that I thought my bottle would explode.

Another one who came up and shake my hand, kept shaking my hand for a good 5 min, all the while looking into my eyes, beaming and repeating “Hello! Hello! Hello!” – and he makes me feel like I’m the star of his universe, as if nothing else matters. It is such a precious gift to give our loved ones – the gift of being present, and being completely into whatever the person is saying or doing.

4) They are the happiest

Contrary to what society thinks, I have a feeling that they are the happiest people on the planet; contrary to the fact that they are mentally inferior. We ‘normal’ ones are probably the ones plagued with mental stress, because we have definitions of good vs bad, right vs wrong in life.

5) They allow us to be happy

By not having ego and fully expressing their happiness, they give us permission to also have fun and be ourselves too. It is difficult not to dance wildly when we have a roomful of child-like people singing and dancing like rock stars!

6) They are good enough; so is everybody else

While we were singing one of the songs, a few of them ran up to the stage and stand beside me, put their arms over us and sang along into the microphone. To them, they feel that the world loves to hear them sing, and when we sing, they clap their hands and swish around the stage like ballad dancers. In their world, they never question the value of their self worth, or the worthiness of others. Everybody is good; everyone deserves appreciation.

7) They are not afraid to show their affection

I was singing the song “I only care about you” by Theresa Teng, and this forty something lady rushed up stage and flung her arms around me, drew my left cheek in and start kissing me! I almost choked on the song because it was so hilarious. After she ran off, I could feel my entire left cheek wet from the kiss.

And 10 seconds later, she ran up again and kissed me again, this time she offered me her soft toy. I said no politely, and she offered me a candy bar! If only we can take a leaf from their books and learn to show affection to our loved ones too, regardless of whether we are going to face rejection; or continue to show our affection regardless of how the other person reacts to us. That perhaps is unconditional love.

They always look on the bright side of things

Some of the residents with a slightly higher mental development works as cleaners in the Home. One lady who cleans the toilet, came up to me and repeated 5 times to me – that she cleans all the toilets in the Home, and Christmas Day is her off day. She says the next morning she will start work again, and she is very happy to clean the toilet.

How many of us reading this now have a better job than cleaning toilets, and yet complain ceaselessly about our jobs, our boss, our colleagues?

9) Regardless how our bodies look, we can be happy

Some of them limp with one leg, because the other leg is half the normal size; some has underdeveloped arms; others wade about with uncontrollable actions. They are not a group easily ignored on the street. But they all have one thing in common – nothing stops them from being happy. They smile at you, put their arms (normal or deformed) around you and hug you, sing at you and dance around you.

The next time I have a pimple or sunburn, may I continue to remember that I can be happy regardless of how I look.

© Copyright Linda Loo

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